there once was a story of two best buds, who eventually lost the best and became one as “buds.” they we inseparable and where there was a good time, there were they! these twp “buds” had became an item and everyone knew except them. everyone saw the sparks except the two having fun, enjoying each other’s company, emotionally as well as intellectual. she challenged his mind and calmed his soul ( he was a NYC boi anyway). she was the cream to his coffee, the stars to the moon. they were perfect. but there was unwritten laws that the creator didn’t obey, but everyone else did, no wondering.

as you can imagine, they had become very close, so close that he never realized the new love. whenever one was invited, both were to attend…what one did, so did the other. the lady in the story began to face a dilemma, she wanted more but her boy couldn’t see the picture. you see what he saw was a lifestyle in order and why would someone add more to complicate something already so seamless. so when proposed to that very question…and he quickly spoke to maintain status quo for his answer dared not bring them out of their norm. the lady not happy with this place, decided with heavy hearts, to move. she found some temps, and then one she could stand, where she would be until he finally came to claimed thee. so ways they parted, with hot coals behind because when their chapters finally closed, it fortunately left off with a simple TO BE CONTINUED…

p&<3 ADB4evr

one of my cousins has recently gotten a new apt. with her younger brother and his baby momma (can you see where this going. baby mamma?) ok so anyway, when ever i visit this cousin and ask him what he’s up to, its always the same answer…you already know what i’m about…and that’s the truth, its never a question. so he asked me, are u down? i was quick to oblige…remember, something’s are good, but its great!!! when it’s free! so after a few hits, the general uneducated educated conversations begin in which i can only sit and laugh to myself as the lies begin to believe, lol. so anyway, to make this long story short, someone brought up something in the news recently (who knew they watched the news or read newspapers…stereotypical….i think so but hey, it is what it is) so the news was that someone in someone’s neighbor hood found a bag that allegedly contained 168 thousands dollar…wow! so of course that conversation continued to what everyone would do with this money, until one person spoke up, mildly and soft spoken….”man, the first thing i would do is pay off my p.o” i instantly inserted context clues and determined he meant parole officer….i was like wooww, taken back as we use to say. never in my life do i hope to spend my money on a p.o…knock on wood but wow, i guess i just never heard that and never imagined what other expenses people have…i was too through and left after the next round…..of course, it was free!!

peace and love

my best friend said something to me the other day in our usual aim chats that we have once or twice a month…i guess thats true friendship when you dont feel the need to always stay connected, yet nothing is lost on your next encounter. he said to me, as we were discussing his new job opportunites, that he “thinks its time.” well who knew that that statement would attach itself to mind for these last couple of days for me to constantly ponder over…”i think its time.” now, to give a little background information about myself, i am the type of person that naturally has to let things sit on my mind before i can come to a firm decision that i am comfortable with…it took me days to convience myself that i would use no capital letters in my post, lol…who knew. so for me to have this phrase on my mind was nothing extraordinary in itself, but rather the phrase. that phrase made me think to myself, was there a manual that god was s’pose to give to us that tells us what to do, when to do it or…when something is “on time?” now, again some more background information, my girlfriend, and soon to be fiance’ has given me this book to read, something she wants to do together, so you know…ok, anywho, the books makes some really good points that i can only agree with, but only to a certain extent because i can never release my own beliefs so quickly for someone elses, but the book challenges you to stop thinking about yourself and your plan for life, but rather, gods plan. the point that it makes was that, we are all created by god…yes? yes! so why should we and how would we know what is planned for or instore for us. an example that is used was that no one can explain an invention but the inventor…hince the owners manual or instruction guide and because we as humans…gods inventions do not posess such documents…how do we know when something is “time?”

i do however believe in self guidance, i do beileve that god has a plan for us and our decisions, our actions or beliefs are those that he has created for us, i do believe that my day to day actions, my day to day intereaction are already a master plan of what is to be and if we did have an owners manual or instructional guide then, yes, i do believe that when i ask myself the question is it time for me to move on to the next part of my life, god has already written this and i am following my intructions. no ones manual is the same so we shouldnt base our achievements, failures or sucesses based on anothers because your instruction manual may have extra peices, your instruction manual may skip steps…you are you and i am me….god has two different ways for us and we shouldnt think its time because of someone else time…

if you read this and your not ready for something…then your not ready and trust me! god already knows!!!

GOD bless!

i guess you can say it is along the same lines as growing up because in my last few months of adulthood i believe i have someone who i can spend the rest of my life with. saying that you can spend the rest of your life with someone sounds too final for me, but yet, this girl brings along that comfort…that feeling of permanence, like déjà, a glimpse to let you know you’re on the right paths of life. i choose the phrase “i believe i have someone who i can spend the rest of my life with” very carefully, i could have easily said “found someone” “soul mate” or other words that scream one word to me…..CLICHE!  or is that really it, are our lives too “cliché” that we strain to change them….so anyway, back to my point.

i cannot say that i’m looking for advice, or looking for words of encouragement or even acceptance, i guess i need to just process my thoughts more deeply. my thought is that, i want to get married. yes, like to death do you part, sickness and health…blah blah! but i’m scared, i’m nervous, i’m confused, but in the same token, i’m anxious, excited and oh so ready! i’m so ready to take this next step into the so called “adulthood” i feared we were so unprepared for in my last post. but how do you rationalize these thought, how do you make sense of your fears with the anxiety of your excitement, how do you know your young relationship wont fail like many of the peers in my age range…how do you know?

putting that all aside; my “soul mate” if you will, is a born soldier. i say born because i’ve always heard that people who decide on being in the military either like it or they don’t; never in-betweens or doubtful thought. so now i’m stuck again, i now have to decide if i am military material. you know, it’s never just the army buff, but the family who sits at home patiently waiting. it’s not them who have to deal with the hurt and pain if something tragic should happen….no it’s the family. so are military people courageous or selfish…or better yet, what they truly are…HEROS! but what about the family i ask.

i would love to say that i am a passionate romantic who dreams of running away and getting married…but the reality, which always sets us straight it that, i am a realist i have a new job, with new car payments. i cant just leave, but i cant stop her from leaving and i want to go with her sooo bad…so i guess i do have a question…if you happen to see this by some rare computer gliche or stumble upon it using a great website called stumble.com…let me know, do you think stories like this happen?!

I’ve found a great engagement ring!!!

i recently graduated from college! Wohoo. as much as the degree mean, i can honestly say it didn’t mean that much to me…if anything it hurt to get that diploma. it represents my preparation to answer life’s questions and step firmly into adulthood. well that isn’t something i wanted…atleast not so soon. there is nothing wrong with a five year track ha-ha. college for me was a time to express myself. i experienced some of the best ups and downs anyone could ever imagine. i had the greatest friends who i would fight with, but with thursday as the new friday for most…we had nearly a week to drink and make up. who wants to give that up?

three months shy of me graduating; i gained a respectable job making a very respectable salary. happy right, bought  new car, changed up my wardrobe, but what does that mean…i’ve stepped further into adulthood and i realize the further i dig myself into this…the more i cant back out of like i use to in college. i was good to plans and quickly be MIA…i guess my best friend rubbed off on me more than he thinks. this adulthood has great perks but hard to live a life you’ve spent four years doing, it goes back to that stage where we begin to be “forced” into life. my best bud recently invited me to NYC to visit his fam and pay my respects to his soon to be married sister and doing that visit, i received some of the best advice in a lifetime…and that was to live your life…take time to enjoy yourself and be a kid/young adult. stay out all night, party so loud you wake the sun (as we did the first night…and some of the second). this came from his aunt who i love dearly.

so i can stop babbling…i ask the question…….has americans out smarted themselves so much, that there is not time allowed to live life…i would once love to live the lives my grandparents once spoke about…playing baseball all night, working on cars until you can drive them…playing in the streets with a worry. where are those day, why have they skipped up…why must we as new adult carry americas burden of a blue collar country so much that the freedom of life is lost…or was i just babbling this whole time?

i don’t know